Well, I’m finally writing again. I never was good at this journal thing, but I’m trying again. The pain is just too great today, I have to find a way to let it out. Aiden and Seth, I miss you so much. I have Haley here with me now, and that is great. She’s doing fantastic. She’s doing really well in school, and she’s reunited with her friends from church. But like me, she misses you both very much. Sometimes she cries. Sometimes I do, too.
I would give anything to hug you guys once again. I miss putting you up on my shoulders. I know you’re both too big for that now, but I still miss it. I even miss Seth’s talking non-stop. I know a little about both of you, from what Haley has told me. I know Aiden wants to be a pilot, and loves to cook out on the grill. I know Seth is an amazing singer, and even does opera singing! I wish so much that I could talk to you about these things.
I’ve missed you both every single day, but for some reason, today it hurts more than it has in a long time. I try to stay hopeful, but lately it seems like hope is nothing more than a tease for me, a promise that continually goes unfulfilled. I’ve wanted to cry all day. I wonder if you guys ever miss me.
I miss when I used to participate in Seth and Aiden’s Tae Kwon Do class. I was so proud of both of them, and I loved being a part of their lives!
I have finally been reunited with my daughter Haley! I had been waiting for this day for nearly four years. I was so nervous to see her, because it had been so long, and I knew that she had been told terrible things about me the entire time. I was worried that she would blame me for the separation, and all the things she had to go through during it. Turns out I needn’t have worried! As soon as she saw me, she ran up and threw her arms around me, sobbing. I admit I cried a little too. It is so good to have my little girl back! Even if she’s not so little anymore.
Haley’s adoption adoption day! I was so proud to have her join our family! Family means NO ONE gets left behind.
Saying goodbye to Seth for my deployment. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I know he still misses me, even if he’s had to push that feeling down deep, and pretend he doesn’t. I miss him too.
One of my earliest pictures with Aiden. He’s taking a bite of a pork rib on one of our camping trips. We’re still very much alike. I understand he’s pretty good at making ribs himself now. I hope one day we can share ribs again (but not like this!).
Enjoying a few last moments with Haley before deployment overseas. She’s still daddy’s little girl.
Haley’s 10th birthday. I’ve missed so many of her birthday’s since this one, but I’m glad I won’t have to miss any more.
Seth and me just goofing around.
He always was a smart kid, and has a great heart as well.
We’ll have fun together again one day.
Going with the kids on their first day of school.
They were so proud of me, just like I was proud of them.
I’m still proud of them.
So difficult to say goodbye.
I still feel like this.
All the time.
It’s been way too many Christmases since we’ve been together as a family.
All three of them are STILL my family, and they always will be.
Aiden so proud to be just like his daddy! I understand he’s still just like me, even though he probably doesn’t want to be.
But I will always be a part of him, and he will always be a part of me.
And I will always love him.
Just goofing around with Aiden, like we always used to.
I miss these times.
A proud father with his three proud children. This was them being reunited with me after a deployment.
We’ll all be reunited again one day.
These three were my reason and my strength for completing Basic Combat Training! I can’t think of a better reason, or a more powerful motivator.
This is one proud poppa. Still proud of this guy, even though we’re both a bit older now.
He may be a proud poppa himself one day.
I hope I get to see that day.
Family means NO ONE gets left behind. Even if it takes years.
Thanks for stopping by and welcome to my new blog! This is just an introductory post so I’ll keep it short and sweet.
I’m starting this blog because my therapist suggested I keep a journal to record my thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, my handwriting is terrible and I can’t keep track of a notebook to save my life. So I thought that a blog might be a good way to overcome those obstacles. I can’t promise that this space will be witty, or informative, or even thought-provoking. This is primarily for my own benefit. Should you care to and dare to read any of this stuff, you might get a glimpse into my mind and an insight into my life. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Over the next few months I plan to be writing and sharing about my experiences and all the crap that goes on in my head. The last two years of my life have been both devastating and exhilarating, often at the same time. I’ve been through the terrible break-up of a long relationship that I could write a book about. I’ve also entered into a wonderful relationship that I could write a completely different book about. I have three children that I haven’t seen or spoken to in two years, and I miss very much. I often think about how much they would enjoy the things I have been doing, and how much I would enjoy having them with me.
That’s it for now! If you’d like to be kept updated with my posts “Like” this post or subscribe to my blog.