Category Archives: Seth and Aiden

Seth Romeo Singleton

10/04/16 – Extended family

I’d like to reminisce a little bit today. This weekend I was given a picture that was taken a long time ago. It was Seth’s adoption photo. In it are many people my children will recognize. Starting from the left, they would be familiar with their mother’s parents, Cheryl and Romeo Gil, with their Uncle Steven standing behind them. Then comes Seth, being held by me. He was so small! But even at that size, he had a big personality. Their now adopted sister Haley is standing in front of me. Hard to believe she was once that short; she is as tall as I am now! I suspect she will eventually be taller than me.

Next to Haley is her brother Charles, who we were also fostering at the time. I don’t know how much they would remember of Charles, since he was removed from the home when I was away at Basic Training, shortly after this picture was taken. Jenn accused Charles of some pretty awful things. In light of what happened to Haley and me, I have to wonder if any of those things were true. It seems just as likely now that Jenn simply did not like Charles, and wasn’t able to parent him in the controlling manner she preferred. I suspect she made up those horrible things about Charles, so that he would be removed from our home “for the safety of the family”. I’m sure that would sound familiar to Aiden and Seth. I wonder who will be next?

Then we have Jenn holding Aiden. Aiden was so happy to be gaining a brother! I hope he’s just as happy about it now. I’m glad they are still together, at least. Behind Jenn is the judge who granted Seth’s adoption to myself and Jenn. Standing next to Jenn is my mother, who the kids called “Grandma Jane”. She misses Aiden and Seth almost as much as I do. She was thrilled to finally be able to talk to Haley again after so much time, and I know she’ll be just as excited to talk to her grandsons one day. Finally behind Grandma Jane is my Aunt Anna, and her daughter Peggy. Haley was finally able to see them this past weekend.

At one time this family was all together. While we lived in different places, there was nothing stopping any of us from picking up a phone and calling, or making a trip to see another part of the family. At the very least, the children had unfettered access to all of their extended family. I knew that Jenn and I separating was going to be difficult and painful no matter what, my intention was that it be as easy as possible on the children. Our marriage may have been broken, but there was no need for the children to lose so many people who loved them. I know I would have swallowed my pride so that they would still have their entire family. It’s hard to believe that one person could cause so much unnecessary pain. It is my greatest wish that ALL of my children will be able to see ALL of their family again one day.scott_singleton_aiden_haley_seth

Seth, Haley, and Aiden with their Uncle Scott.  He misses the boys very much as well.

http://www.positiveyouthconcepts.com/about/

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Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is an uncomfortable reality, a social taboo. As such, it is the least talked about yet most common form of abuse. It is insidious and subjective in nature….Read more here: Emotional Abuse

Here is a list of some of the behaviors that constitute emotional abuse of children.  I hope my boys take a good hard look at this list, and maybe pinpoint some of the treatment that they have experienced, or that they’ve seen their sister subjected to:

– harsh criticism, belittling, labeling
– name-calling
– yelling, screaming or swearing at children
– humiliation or demeaning jokes
– shunning the child from the family (or parts of the family)
– locking kids out of the home to discipline or punish
– denying medical or health care, and safe, clean environments
– unpredictable, unreasonable or extreme reactions
– hostility among family members
– inconsistent or unreasonable demands placed on a child
– ridiculing or humiliating a child in front of others
– threatening to reveal personal or embarrassing information
– leaving a child alone or unattended for long periods of time
– not permitting a child to interact with other children or maintain friendships
– keeping a child from appropriate social and emotional stimulation
– requiring a child stay indoors/in their room or away from peers
– keeping a child from playing with friends and activities s/he enjoys
– not permitting a child to participate in social activities, parties or group/family events
– excessive or extreme punishment for typical childhood behaviors
– encouraging a child to reject friends or social contact/invitations
– encouraging or rewarding unethical or illegal behavior (stealing, cheating, lying, bullying)
– allowing or encouraging children to engage in behavior that is harmful to them or others.
– having expectations beyond the developmental stage of the child
– using blame, shame, judgment or guilt to condemn child for behavior of others
– unreasonable expectations to perform chores or household duties

Characteristics of Emotionally Abusive Mothers

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Emotional-Abuse-from-Your-Parents-(for-Adolescents)

9/20/16 – Being Stuck

Well, today I feel stuck. Just absolutely stuck. The pain of missing my children is always there to some degree, but today more than anything I feel completely FRUSTRATED. Helpless. I know where my sons are. I’ve known the address for almost a year. More than anything I want to just jump in my truck and go there. To finally see them, and hug them, and tell them I love them. But knowing their location is not the problem. Getting there is not the problem. There are actually two problems, and they are huge.

The first problem is the law. Restraining orders are handed out like candy, but they are enforced stronger than any law out there. The one issued on me was based on a pack of lies, but getting it removed seems impossible. Everything I’ve done in my life proves I’m not a violent person, but none of that matters. I’ve served my country in the military as a Medic, worked in a prison with ZERO uses of force for nearly ten years, subjected myself to psychological evaluations and taken several classes on parenting. But until the judge says it can come off, I cannot see, speak to, or write to my children, or I will go to jail.

The second problem is their own belief. The last time I spent any time with them, our relationship was great. They wanted to spend time with me. Aiden was sick and still insisted on coming with me. But after the retraining order, their mother started lying to them. Telling them I was dangerous, that I wanted to hurt them, that I’m a bad person, and they’re all better off without me. After years of hearing that, and only that, they believe her. What choice do they have? She’s their mother, and their only source of shelter, food, clothing, and information. When you hold that kind of power over someone, you can make them believe whatever you want, even the complete opposite of the truth.

I wish their mother loved them enough to share them with me. I know that they need their father in their lives, just as I need them in my life. I wish she could see that. I know she hates me, and I can live with that. But to manipulate my children into hating me is not just cruel to me. It’s cruel to them. To separate children from a loving parent is child abuse, pure and simple. And it’s also cruel to their sister, who misses them as much as I do. Aiden and Seth, if you ever get a chance to read this, please know that you mean everything to me, and I will NEVER stop fighting for you.

Aiden-Seth-Haley-Singleton

09/08/2016 – Writing Through the Pain

09/08/2016  Thursday

Well, I’m finally writing again.  I never was good at this journal thing, but I’m trying again. The pain is just too great today, I have to find a way to let it out.  Aiden and Seth, I miss you so much.  I have Haley here with me now, and that is great.  She’s doing fantastic.  She’s doing really well in school, and she’s reunited with her friends from church.  But like me, she misses you both very much.  Sometimes she cries.  Sometimes I do, too.

I would give anything to hug you guys once again.  I miss putting you up on my shoulders.  I know you’re both too big for that now, but I still miss it.  I even miss Seth’s talking non-stop.  I know a little about both of you, from what Haley has told me.  I know Aiden wants to be a pilot, and loves to cook out on the grill.  I know Seth is an amazing singer, and even does opera singing!  I wish so much that I could talk to you about these things.

I’ve missed you both every single day, but for some reason, today it hurts more than it has in a long time.  I try to stay hopeful, but lately it seems like hope is nothing more than a tease for me, a promise that continually goes unfulfilled.  I’ve wanted to cry all day.  I wonder if you guys ever miss me.

Aiden_Seth_Dad

I miss when I used to participate in Seth and Aiden’s Tae Kwon Do class.  I was so proud of both of them, and I loved being a part of their lives!

Pictures of Aiden, Seth, And Haley


Haley’s adoption adoption day! I was so proud to have her join our family! Family means NO ONE gets left behind.


Saying goodbye to Seth for my deployment. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I know he still misses me, even if he’s had to push that feeling down deep, and pretend he doesn’t. I miss him too.

Aiden_Singleton Rib
One of my earliest pictures with Aiden. He’s taking a bite of a pork rib on one of our camping trips. We’re still very much alike. I understand he’s pretty good at making ribs himself now. I hope one day we can share ribs again (but not like this!).


Enjoying a few last moments with Haley before deployment overseas. She’s still daddy’s little girl.


Haley’s 10th birthday. I’ve missed so many of her birthday’s since this one, but I’m glad I won’t have to miss any more.

More old pictures of Aiden and Seth, and my daughter Haley


Seth and me just goofing around.
He always was a smart kid, and has a great heart as well.
We’ll have fun together again one day.

Seth_Haley_Aiden_Singleton
Going with the kids on their first day of school.
They were so proud of me, just like I was proud of them.
I’m still proud of them.


So difficult to say goodbye.
I still feel like this.
All the time.


It’s been way too many Christmases since we’ve been together as a family.
All three of them are STILL my family, and they always will be.


Aiden so proud to be just like his daddy! I understand he’s still just like me, even though he probably doesn’t want to be.
But I will always be a part of him, and he will always be a part of me.
And I will always love him.

Walter_Aiden_Singleton
Just goofing around with Aiden, like we always used to.
I miss these times.


A proud father with his three proud children. This was them being reunited with me after a deployment.
We’ll all be reunited again one day.

Seth_Aiden_Haley
These three were my reason and my strength for completing Basic Combat Training! I can’t think of a better reason, or a more powerful motivator.

Aiden Singleton
This is one proud poppa. Still proud of this guy, even though we’re both a bit older now.
He may be a proud poppa himself one day.
I hope I get to see that day.


Family means NO ONE gets left behind. Even if it takes years.